i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
