Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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