I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Ketchup is God's man juice
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
