You're completely useless in the revolution.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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