Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize