I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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