my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
