its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
