Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
