we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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