i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
