Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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