I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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