who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
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If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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