Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize