If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
