I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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