help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize