some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
