chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Randomize
