Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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