I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
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