yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
