I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
