love makes seman taste better
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
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He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
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Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize