Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I need water and some morals
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
