I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
