I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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