remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
