I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just forgot I was standing up.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
