OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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