Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
