I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
