Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
