There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Randomize
