i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
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Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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