After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize