i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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