My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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