she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Who died my cat blue again?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
