I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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