Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Yo dont text me then not text me
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
