I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
