the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
