Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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