Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
