Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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