Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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