The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
