Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
