I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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