I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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