My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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