Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
