she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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