turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
