Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
