If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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