i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
