I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Brb crying the tears of my youth
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
