I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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