guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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