I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I understand Curling. That high.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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