1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
