you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
It was confusing and full of hummus
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
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Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
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I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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