Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
