if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
